Who Gets the China?

In this episode, Julie Butscher, LCSW and Kirsten dive into the often-tough conversations around whether aging parents should stay at home or move into a community, offering practical strategies, compassionate insights, and a positive outlook to help families find the right solutions. From using the “Spoons Theory” to maximize quality of life, to having the “car key conversation,” planning ahead to avoid crisis, and finding ways to introduce new care strategies with ease, this discussion provides valuable guidance for keeping loved ones safe, supported, and heard.
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Credits:
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ www.bluogden.com
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ www.windsandproductions.com
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @ www.jigawattsstudio.com

What are the most important parts of organizing an estate? What forms need to be in place, even as soon as we turn 18? How do we protect our parents (and our own) finances from accidents to fraud? Estate attorney Kami Pomerantz is here to answer our questions and share her expert knowledge for preparing an estate for a smooth transition at any financial level.
 
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If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Follow us on Spotify or Apple podcasts
Credits:
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ www.bluogden.com/
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ www.windsandproductions.com
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @jigawattsstudio.com

This yellow sticky note greets me on a recent visit to my parents’ house. I know exactly what it means. I wonder what it might conjure for you?
 
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Follow and subscribe to Who Gets the China? on Substack for funny and emotional essays about helping one’s parents live better, longer and saving your sanity while you’re at it. @whogetsthechina.substack.com/
Visit www.whogetsthechina.com to read essays and sign up for the newsletter.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Follow us on Spotify or Apple podcasts
Credits
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ www.bluogden.com/
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ www.windsandproductions.com
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @jigawattsstudio.com

Kirsten sits down with palliative care expert Sarah McCarthy, LCSW, to demystify what palliative care really is and how it differs from hospice. Together they explore how palliative care can support patients and families facing serious diagnoses by focusing on quality of life, medical goals, and meaningful conversations about care preferences. From understanding when to start palliative care to navigating end-of-life planning, medical power of attorney, DNRs, and the MOST form, this discussion offers practical guidance and compassionate insight for anyone supporting a loved one through a significant health challenge.
Follow Who Gets the China? on www.whogetsthechina.substack.com
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Credits:
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ https://www.bluogden.com/
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ https://www.windsandproductions.com/
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @ http://www.jigawattsstudio.com/

Welcome to this episode of Who Gets the China? Where we are navigating the joys and challenges of life with aging parents, one family heirloom at a time. In this case, it's vintage sewing machines.My mom is a gifted quilter and sewist, as I have mentioned before. She’s made everything from queen-size quilts to pink taffeta and lace prom dresses (of course, we still have that)!Once we spent a summer slipcovering the heaviest, most awkward swiveling bucket chair in a beautiful blue and white Chintz. We almost killed each other a few times. But it turned out great and I can make a mean corded trim.She passed that skill down to me and I’ve passed it on to my daughters. Even my younger nephews know their way around a machine. You never know when it will come in handy.You need to know that sewing machines can be temperamental. Especially newer ones which are made out of plastic so they go out of tune easily and cost more to fix than to replace.Somehow that has gotten us to a place where there are 4 machines at my mom’s house. Yep, four.* One that works* One that maybe kind of works* One that doesn’t work* A vintage SingerThe kind in a stand-up wooden cabinet from 1955 that can be operated with or without electricity, but the wires are frayed and you need to hold the cord just-so for the power to work. My mom inherited it from my aunt when she moved into a senior living community and she wasn’t using it anymore.Now this heavy, awkward machine lives in the garage and every time we need to get into the storage shelves we have to drag it out of the way. At over 35 lbs, it’s no easy feat.It hasn’t been used in ages and needs re-wiring and an overhaul to make it work. But it was handed down from family and there is an emotional attachment. It also represents the hope that “one day I’ll refurbish it and use it.” Well, with 3 other machines in the wings, no, you probably won’t.It took years to decide that it is not going to get used and that it may as well find a new home where it can live out its intended purpose. But where? And how? And who would take it?My mom, sister, and I decided (or maybe I strongly encouraged us) to have a go at FB Marketplace.Easier said than done! We have to (try and) turn it on - it works! Even the old lightbulb still works. I research what model it is, how old it is, how much it might be worth, assess its condition, etc. I learned a lot of useless knowledge, like you can put the serial number into Google and find out where your model was made - kind of like a Cabbage Patch doll. (Ours was from New Jersey.)You have to take photos, videos, craft the listing and monitor the responses, or crickets, as the case may be. I became obsessed with the Messenger pings and the Facebook group for vintage Singer machines. People just want to talk about your machine and ask you questions or suggest information or show you photos of their machines. I just want to sell the damn thing.After several days, a possibly legit buyer reaches out and he wants to buy it for his girlfriend - who doesn’t sew. This is a huge red flag to us, and especially my mom who thinks it's crazy to buy a vintage machine for someone who doesn’t sew. I mean, she’s not wrong, but I worry she will talk him out of it. So I tell her to stay in the house while he’s here. I don’t really want a stranger knowing more about us than is required anyway. (That turns out not to be really true.)Finally the very chatty buyer shows up. He’s been researching machines for 3 days and is an expert. He shows us all kinds of tricks and how things work we never knew. As an engineer, he’s hooked. But, he’s considering 3 other machines and he takes us through photos of each and the sellers’ stories. He’s conflicted. Which one should he choose?I offhandedly share that this was my Aunt “Betty’s” machine and it had one owner all these years. For some reason, that little bit of human connection sealed the deal. He’d much rather gift his girlfriend a machine with a story and a past than something off a dusty shelf in a storage unit repair shop.I get that. I totally do. Something that has history and soul can call out to you and make you feel completely different about it. We haggled, he got a good deal, and we found an enthusiastic new home for Aunt Betty’s machine.My sister rolled her eyes and laughed at me for this transaction that took way longer than it needed to. If I am being honest, if I hadn’t had a plane to catch, I probably would have told him half my life’s story that relates to my aunt. But I resisted. We loaded this beast into his too-small sedan and they were on their way to a new life.A few days ago he sent me photos of the lovingly refurbished machine, gleaming and ready to create again. I loved seeing it ready for a new life.I hope his girlfriend, “Caryn with a C,” decides she wants to sew and makes lots of beautiful things. Based on her smile in the follow up photos, she looks pretty happy. If not, well, at least we made a new friend.Do you have a story you’d like to share about giving away something meaningful? I’d love to hear it. Shoot me an email at info@whogetsthechina.comConnect with me* Follow and subscribe to Who Gets the China? on Substack for funny, heartfelt and useful essays about helping your parents live better, longer. @whogetsthechina.substack.com/* If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.* Follow us on Spotify or Apple podcasts* Visit www.whogetsthechina.comCredits for Who Gets the China?* Produced by Aaron Bryce @ www.bluogden.com/* Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ www.windsandproductions.com* Graphic design by Jenn Beam @jigawattsstudio.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit whogetsthechina.substack.com

In this episode, Kirsten is joined by Nancy Nicholson, an expert in estate organization. They explore the emotional and practical journey of helping parents downsize, from sorting cherished belongings and handling heirlooms to creating safer living spaces and planning for the future. Nancy shares her compassionate expertise, offering strategies that make donating feel good, involve the whole family, and turn a difficult transition into a more meaningful and supportive experience.
Follow Who Gets the China? on www.whogetsthechina.substack.com
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Credits:
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ https://www.bluogden.com/
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ https://www.windsandproductions.com/
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @ http://www.jigawattsstudio.com/

Today’s podcast guest, Colleen Attoma-Mathews, LCSW, has an expertise helping families cope with cognitive decline and memory loss. Join us as we breakdown some of the psychology behind why decluttering, downsizing and transitions with older parents are so hard. We discuss things we can do to make this process easier with lots of laughs and aha moments along the way.
Follow Who Gets the China? on www.whogetsthechina.substack.com
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might appreciate the conversation. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Credits:
Produced by Aaron Bryce @ https://www.bluogden.com/
Theme music composed by Greg Fellman @ https://www.windsandproductions.com/
Graphic design by Jenn Beam @ http://www.jigawattsstudio.com/

My sister and I just returned from a visit to my parents helping them out after our mom had minor surgery. It gave the 4 of us a rare chance to spend time together as the OG “nuclear family.” It also gave me fodder for my writing journey - some funny, some emotional.I appreciate this time with my parents in a new way now that I have been working hard to better understand this phase of life and how to embrace it rather than drive me crazy.As I told my mom, after recording an upcoming podcast conversation with one of my experts, I am working on “asking permission” and “letting her lead” what she wants to declutter. She was surprised and appreciative when I told her I received this advice from a therapist and was trying to implement it. Trying, definitely being a key here. (More information on the expanded Who Gets The China? podcast coming soon. I can’t wait to share what’s next!)Does someone in your family have a large box full of a lifetime of greeting cards waiting to be sorted out? I’m talking about decades of birthday cards, thank you notes, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holiday cards, you name it. Well, if you’ve been reading or listening for a while, you may guess that we have such a box. Probably a few boxes, if I am being honest.Our mom can not be dissuaded from activity, even post-surgery, so one afternoon she busted out the box and we started sorting through. Of course, it is a treasure trove of family history!There were cards from my parents first Christmas together almost 60 years ago and many of their early anniversaries and birthdays. My mom kept remarking “what a romantic” my dad was and he gamely followed along. It’s true! The early cards are especially sweet. This is a side of your parents’ history that you have no sense of, because you were too young or weren’t even born yet.* There are early Happy Mother’s and Father’s Day cards signed in our cute 4 year-old-handwriting.* There are get well cards from major health events reminding us how lucky we are to be sitting here with our parents doing this today.* There are cards and letters sharing our appreciation for all of our parents’ support of our various endeavors, like the solo trip I took back-packing around the world for 9 months. This was back in the day when there was no email, social media or cell phones you could use to call your mom and tell her you survived the monsoon rains during your trek through Nepal.* There are cards from dear friends and well-wishers as they embarked on their journey to the west coast. Just seeing the signatures of some loved, long-time friends who have passed is enough to cause emotion to swell.* There was a sweet, beautiful poem my sister wrote about the house we grew up in as they prepared for the move west. I had completely forgotten about it - maybe we all had. We teased her at first, but as she read it aloud we all got choked up remembering our old street, our TV room, the snacks we loved, and the sound of tires on our gravel driveway revealing who got home when. We may have found her next calling as a greeting card writer or poet.* There were condolence cards from family and friends reminding us of those loved ones we lost way too soon and those who lived very long lives despite all kinds of adversity.I may have teased my mom mercilessly about saving all these cards all this time. But now I am so glad she did and that we had a chance to walk down our shared memory lane, together.Now I am on the verge of crying again so it’s time to wrap this up. This is your encouragement to go dig out your box of letters or cards or whatever and take some time to re-live a little slice of history.I’d love to hear if you have a box of letters or other meaningful mementos and if or how you shared it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit whogetsthechina.substack.com

Oh boy, the invasion of the handmade throw pillows. It’s real.Do you have any idea how many throw pillows you can acquire over the course of your life? So. Many. Bed pillows, couch pillows, kitchen chair pillows, desk chair pillows! The options are endless. Some are handmade, others accumulate from trips to HomeGoods, or travel adventures.When I got married one compromise I was forced to make was adapting to my husband’s minimal throw pillow aesthetic - at least on the bed. It drove him crazy to have to remove 6 pillows before bed just to put them back on again in the morning.I confess after having this discussion one too many times, it was easier to come over to his way of thinking. Less cozy perhaps, but less stress. And after all, he had to give up his hideous bachelor sleeper couch and a few other objects I would not allow over the threshold, so fair is fair.Here’s a challenge: my mom is an accomplished sewist and quilter. And like me, my mom loves a cute, homemade pillow. They are so easy to make and fun to give. My girls were always happy for a new, cozy, flannel pillow when they were younger. I have (at least) one plastic bin full. Because they are personally made with love, you can’t just give these away!True confession, friends: it took me about two minutes in my basement to dig up this bin of handmade throw pillows.It should come as no surprise that my mom’s closets are well-stocked with throw pillows not currently being used in the line of duty. They are waiting for the perfect decor opportunity to arrive. Then they will come out of the closet, newly covered and ready for the world. But in the meantime, they wait. YEARS. Lots of years, to serve their purpose.Prime guest-closet real estate is holding space for throw pillows. We’re not talking an insane amount, but definitely more than is necessary. There is fabric of many patterns and colors waiting for a day at the machine. There are pillow forms in a range of shapes and sizes ready to be dressed up.Why do we hold onto these? One reason is “hopeful potential.” It makes us feel good to know that we can create and put these materials to use. The potential for a project. The potential for a satisfying beautiful creation. The potential to use up some of one’s fabric “stash” - as sewists lovingly call their plastic storage solutions full of fabric scraps - to its full potential.Being creative is important at any age. But at some point, too many unused throw pillows start to seem like another clutter-reduction project. (At least to me.) How can we make ourselves feel better about releasing things we are not using into the world? Maybe someone else will find usefulness or joy in our objects waiting to fulfill their potential.Unless I clean out that closet or those bins, we’ll never know.Thanks for reading Who Gets the China? ! This post is public so feel free to share it.Thanks for reading Who Gets the China? ! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit whogetsthechina.substack.com

Most likely you are familiar with Cross pens. They were founded in 1846 by a family of jewelers and have been used by Presidents since Ronald Reagan for signing bills into law and formalizing other important documents. Growing up, personalized Cross pens were a gift at milestones and from business partners. Back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s they were something of a status symbol. They claim to come with a lifetime manufacturer's warranty which it may be time to test out. We could be the recipients of a bounty of new, beautiful, working pens.I still love a beautiful pen. My husband gave me a fancy fountain-style pen for our anniversary some 20 years ago. It travelled around the world with me on business trips and to board meetings. I was crushed when I lost it - maybe it was when my purse was stolen one day from my San Francisco corner office. I’ve had other nice pens but that one was special.Fancy pens seem to have fallen out of favor as no one seems to write on paper much anymore. But don’t worry! We have plenty of inventory!Recently as I was searching for something else, maybe a yellow sticky note in my mom’s desk, I came across a stash of them. Maybe 10 old gold-ish, silver-ish and matte black Cross pens and pencils. Many, maybe most, are almost unusable due to dried out nibs, old roller balls or broken graphite. If you are just looking for a free, taken-from-a-bank, working ballpoint pen, good luck finding one. If you want a fancy, 40-year old Cross pen, we’ve got you covered.Another day, I came upon another box stashed in a drawer and guess what? Yep, more Cross pens.Why aren’t we actually using these? I don’t know where to get roller refills but I am guessing it wouldn't take me long to find out. But no one (myself included) seems to prioritize this task enough to take it on, so we use crappy $.25 pens and let these nice ones take up space.A quick trip down a Reddit rabbit hole tells me we are not alone in hoarding these trinkets, but I can’t tell if they are worth a dime to anyone else.I also uncovered a jar of ink - probably also 20+ years old and if I am patient, I might find the pen that needs it.Nearby I discovered a package of carbon paper that was moved all the way from the East Coast to California 25 years ago. If you are under 30, you have probably never used carbon paper. If you even know what it is. I used it to make copies of my papers in its purplish ink on our Smith-Corona Selectric typewriter in middle and high school. Actually, my dad made these copies while he generously stayed up late many nights typing my papers for me as I scribbled edits. He graduated from journalism school and worked on newspapers in the Army and on the sports desk for his college newspaper and was probably a 120 Words Per Minute typist back in those days. Although his preferred medium was, and still is, a yellow legal pad and a sharp Fort Ticonderoga pencil, or better yet, a Cross pen.If you’ve discovered a place that loves Cross pens or a way to get them fixed, let me know in the notes.Thanks for reading Who Gets the China? ! Please subscribe for free to receive new posts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit whogetsthechina.substack.com